>My Public Relations teacher tersely stated on the first day of class that she demands to be called Dr. Henderson, because she worked long and hard for that title and when we get our doctorates we can address her in a different manner. Public Relations Lesson #1: The institution of tenure magically frees you from having to relate to your public.
>Doesn’t the idea of voting by slapping your fingerprint all over the ballot pose a potential threat to the ideal of an anonymous voting procedure?
>There’s a guy in one of my classes who demands to be called Leviathan (which is not his parentally-given name). Before the end of the semester, I want to openly refer to him as the Sea Beast…or perhaps Moby Dick. Maybe I’ll use the pirate voice.
>My band is going to be called Boo G and the Holy Martyrs of Gorkum.
>I still don’t understand the bumper stickers that read, "Earl’s in the trunk." My girlfriend has tried to explain that it’s funny because it implies that you have a dead guy in the trunk of your car. But that, by itself, is not that funny. There’s no set-up to the joke. You can’t just go up to somebody and say, "To get to the other side," and expect them to get the joke. The bumper sticker might as well just read, "I’ve got a dead guy in my trunk."
Am I just failing to think outside of the box on this one?
>Cunt is the last of the great swear words. Terse, jarring, under-used…it serves up the one-two combo of a hard k sound up front and a hard t sound for the road. All other profanities pale in comparison.
>I know you’ve all heard this before, but I just want to put it in writing that I believe musicals are the surest sign of the impending downfall of Western society, and I feel that Andrew Lloyd Weber should be sent to a Papillon-esque penal colony.
>Colin Ferrell’s machismo is more than just a bit over-wrought. That drunk, smoking, Irishman thing only goes so far. I’m sure all the ladies out there are behind me on this one. Right?
>I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m a big nerd. Well, being the nerd that I am, I woke up one morning and found myself wondering who writes the indices in the backs of books. It seemed to me that there must be some kind of index-writing software that could perform this simple yet meticulous task.
So, I went online, trying to find out if there was such software, and I uncovered something disturbing. I somehow found the Mind Media Life Enhancement Network (http://www.mindmedia.com/index.html), which is a platform for New Age related media. Featured on the site are such dubious products as Rune Hilda (software for "discovering the wise oracle" of ancient Viking runes), Softarot (some kind of tarot card software), and Subliminal Messenger (software that allows you to install split second subliminal messages on your computer).
Probably the strangest thing they sell is an application ominously named Mind Prober 3.0. The site says, "With this program, you can instantly understand your own personality as well as the minds of others." (Italics added) They go on to claim that the program has even "touched nerves at the FBI and CIA." I don’t know what’s more disturbing, the fact that such a product exists or that the implication of the nation’s top justice departments taking it seriously doesn’t sound entirely implausible.
